When I find my thoughts on one of these three topics 1. fear 2. doubt 3. worry then I know it's time to change the subject. Does your Alanon group have a phone list? If not start one, if so, maybe you can reach out when you want to talk things out. I've made several friends that also have AD/AS that I call my step-sisters. It has been a God-send. I have to remind myself of all the fabulous things going on in my life. the only terrible thing is AS so in the scheme of things I have to remember to have gratitude and embrace the good, cuz what we focus on will magnify. I can relate to you, you are not alone with the sorrow of an AS, but I can't let the sorrow wear me down. Though at least one day I month I do allow myself to feel the sadness briefly.