Welcome, I really enjoyed your post. I have been in and out of the AA program for 20 YEARS now..always trying to get it right..yet never making the grade to long term sobriety. I find I am starting to think myself as some defective individual that just can't work it right,,,
I am still going to go to meetings but think I will do so with much more of a open mind.
I have been reading some buddhist material myself and find it is the one thing that slows my mind down so I am going to stick with it.
I am not downing aa...I just have to find what is truly going to bring me sobriety and some peace within myself...my life depends on it right now..I just had a relapse that scared me so bad..I never thought I would do what I did again,,,I have to look for other solutions at this point,
really appreciate you sharing your experience..strenght and hope..
love north