I'm sorry for the pain you are in right now. I do know how you feel, lots of us do. For some reason, the addicts are wonderful, funny, bright, beautiful people when they are not active in their addiction. I was with Keith for 3 1/2 years, he relapsed and died on an overdose of methadone[he wasn't on it for treatment, used it to get high along with anything else]. He was clean and sober for 5 years. He died of multiple organ failure and a stroke, also had hepatitis which I did not know and I did not know he was using drugs until the last, they are very good at manipulating and keeping secrets. I loved him and I still do for the wonderful things about him, he got me into alanon when my daughter was at her worst and for that I owe him so much. I can only say that you need to take care of yourself, go to some meetings, keep reading here............Marian