View Single Post
Old 09-30-2003, 01:54 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
californiacarla
Paused
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 104
I read all the messages in this thread. I related to each and everyone. When I was a teen, I didn't 'fit in' my smal town. I had no friends. I read a lot of books to escape. But I would always try to think up ways to kill myself.

My parents had a horrible relationship. Unfortunately my older sister moved in with my dad when they split then she moved out of state. We grew apart. She changed a lot 10 years later when we lived in the same city. I realize now it was probably the drugs she was using. Anyway, we never got to know each other, I never had that support of a big sister. I tried to connect and mend fences last September. 5 weeks later she died of lung cancer.

Mom was pretty screwed up due to the divorce and subsquent boyfriends. She never gave in to the pressure and used anything though. She actually quit drinking when dad left. But, she wasn't really there for me at that time.

Now I am facing the result of 4-5 years of some bad decisions. I must take responsability for my actions. I am invovled with an A. I am an A. Sometimes it seems things would be ok if I stuck with status quo, but I know its only cause the change wil be difficult.

And hose feelings of suicide are so overwhelming. It scares the **** out of me. I couldn't do that to my mom, we're closer now. She's the only reason I can come up with. I also havn't many friends I feel I could talk too. I'm glad I found this place.
californiacarla is offline