I am not going to live church either but I feel He understands. TV church will just have to do for me also. Teke it takes alot of time to change these thoughts. I am sure AH has been pretty much first in your thoughts for a very long time. Eventually I believe you will replace these thoughts with new thoughts then it does get alot easier but it does take time.
You are doing great, just keep trusting your HP. He knows the way when we don't.
Lots of Love,
Diane