Its sad, but I can relate. I kinda liked Ah disappearing every Friday night and us all having a bum day on Saturday. It was when he started working less and stealing that was tough to handle. I could even handle the Thursday critisism and bad mood.
They say thats because it becomes our norm. Ive had abondonment issues so long and came froma family of "not good enough" so that wasnt new to me.
Ive come so far from the girl who'd throw a temper tantrum on the kitchen floor crying out his name after he left. Gosh, I never want to be there again. It was weird but i became comfortable lying on the dirty floor crying or in the bathroom feeling like vomiting. Thats how deep those types of issues run. Even today I get nautious when I drive by that neighborhood and I have nightmares of sitting in that house. 12 years was a long time, lots of bad memeories there from way ebfore AH. I dont even want to go back to clean. I want to sell it and let go. Between first husbands cheating and leaving (abondonment issues) old bos I ahd only for validation, taking 1st back and him exploiting my sis and step daughter. Then going to prison why the house was trashed and I had a newborn and dealing with CPS. Then to being alone and desparate for years and then meeting and marying Ah. Its time to let it all go, all of it. When I think of them there with no power and bugs, gosh the bugs. I have nightmares of me being there. So many feelings taht ahve bottled up forever are coming out and Im ready to walk away from all of it. Its time I heal