Hey Rae,
I was married to an alcoholic and cocaine addict and he would stop one or the other from time to time. I loved him to pieces when he was clean. It took him kicking me out for him to leave and I did look back a few times. I was PG with our daughter when we divorced, he didn't show up for the delivery and visited her a few times when she was an infant and then disappeared. I hear about him and from him every few years, he has clearly escalated to a point of insanity, tells me about voices in his head and the devil talking to him... He has supposed been clean for almost a year and has called once and apparently I wasn't forgiving and loving enough - I wan't mean, I was polite, as if talking to a stranger, which he basically is to me! He hasn't called since. The last time we talked, I told him I was proud that he was doing well, but I was also glad to know that I could talk to him and know that I was no longer in love with him. For me that was progress. For him that was betrayal. I am sorry that he is hurt, but I am happy that I am healed. I do wish the best for him in his life, I just choose not to be part of it anymore.
I know you are in the early stages of these choices and it is not easy to hope that these calls means he is back to the man who treats you right. Please tread cautiously, take care of yourself, and remember if his words send prickly feelings of caution up your spine to pay attention to those.
Only you can choose what you path you want to follow. I just suggest that you pause seriously at that fork in the road and consider honestly what is likely to be waiting for you on either side.
Best wishes,
CIM