as long as my ah thought that we needed him or was gonna not make it unless he was there to help us make it, he kept right on useing and would say in a heart beat, if i don't like his life style that either i could leave or he would, i tell you, he'd step over boundaries, do whatever he wanted to and got an attitude if i didn't just be ok with it, he thought that i needed him so badly that i would except whatever just to have him around or that i'd be there waiting to take him back whenever he decided to come back home. he thought that the choice was his because he thought that we needed him so he could go and come at will.
not to say that he thought that we could just walk back in, but he knew all the right things to say and do just long enough for him to get back in the door. it was sheer manipulation. he knew that we needed him and when he was ready, he'd start working on my emotions.
now when he thought that maybe he needed to straighten up for fear of losing his family, then it would take him less time to start his manipulative tricks to get back in. i hope this makes sense, i think i'm just typing whatever rolls off right now.