good that you too are on the same page now, even though seems like she wants to put a little blame on you, but like you said, maybe you could have gone there too. my mil is so much worse in my opinion. most of the time we had blow outs other than his drug use, which came to be a lot, it was because of something my mil had said, a lot of that came from the fact that she needed him there with her for any financial help she could get at that time, so she was just fine with saying things that would cause friction between to two of us. don't know how she is now cause she has down sized her living arrangements since she was evicted from the last place cause ah just could not hold himself together.
i kind of think that the longer they are out and the more the addiction progresses, the closer they may get to their own distruction bringing them closer to a place where they may finally see that they need help. all of this still sometimes takes time, i think that they will do all they can to do it on their own and prove to themselves and to others that they can, and from time to time, it may look like its working but the question would be for how long, and how long are we willing to wait. ok, does this make any sense.
i kept trying to do it on my own too. during that time, i realized that it was useless to keep saying what i was gonna do, my family was tired of hearing it. i thought the only way that i would win my family back was to prove to myself and them that i was gonna do just what i said. it came a time where i just didn't want to promise them anything that i was not sure that i could do, so i didn't make any promises, i think at that time all i wanted to do was surprize them with me doing good, having gotten myself together.
i remember the last time i got sober, i didn't contact my ah until after i thought i was well on my way to togetherness. i had gotten my own place, new furniture, gained weight and looking good. was even able to have a few new clothes and had the kids looking good and was now going to church regularly again. then it was like i was saying "see, i told you that i was gonna do better". only thing about that is that there still has to be a commitment or it won't last.
there came a time that i didn't want to see anyone until i got myself together. i was too ashamed of myself. i guess i'm just rambling again