Originally Posted by
teke 
jewelz, the more i think about how i went on that rage the days coming up to my ah's relapse, it makes sense what someone said about internalizing and being just about at the breaking point. i think, looking over a lot of the post, isn't it kind of common for us to go through those stages or something like that?
i would do all i could to stay calm and not feed into his drama but every once in a while, i felt like just letting him have it. probably didn't do the situation any good but it did make me feel better for a minute. i keep waiting to think that the dumb stuff that i've done and wasn't suppose to do, was the worst things that i ever could have done, but then its his job to make me feel that way, i guess so i won't act that way again. my ah would try to make me feel like the idiot for acting out because of the way i felt behind his behavior. ok, maynot make sense, i'm just thinking
Teke that all makes sense and is perfectly normal. Today I was talking to a girlfriend who 30 years ago left an addict and she was about 30. SHe said when she left and she really had to hide at first she no longer loved him, but it still hurt and was still hard, yet she knew she couldnt go back. So even what you and I are feeling and no matter where we end up how we feel or dont feel is also normal.
Im really going abck and forth between sadness and anger today. Sad because for a few weeks things almost seemed like a normla happy marriage,except the Friday night disappearance and reappearing with the sun, it was nice. But it never stays at that level as we all here know, if it did and wwasnt progressive we may not all be here today.
MIL is switching from ally to he'd be better if I had stayed away before, and more blah blah Whatever.... I could say similar but Im not going there. Each time we patched things before it was one of us reacting to what she said. Not this time. Same stand, he has to become responsible and care for us from afar for 6 months, we all know that couldnt happen consistently if he was using. ANd we all know he's no closer to getting there than he was the day I said dont come back