Tyler,
You're not crazy. You may have a mental illness. If so, it is your responsibility to take care of it. Does your present doctor know that you've been previously diagnosed bipolar? If not, please share that information with him/her. They need to know in order to serve you as best as they are able.
Also, there's another fact you need to know. People with dual diagnoses, (both a mental illness and a drug/alcohol dependency), have an extremely high rate of relapse if both issues are not dealt with together. This *may* be the reason you are having such difficulty staying clean. You *may* be continuing to self medicate, if you are indeed bipolar and not just depressed.
Again, Tyler, I am NOT a medical person. I teach history. But, my son is dual diagnosed. I've spent years looking at this issue as the state I'm in refuses to treat my son for his mental illnes. They just keep putting him in jail.
But, for a brief shinning moment, he was in Camelot. He went to the next state, Mass, and they treated him for both. Put him on a mood stabilizer, and into a program. There was a moment in time, when there was a real promise for his future.... A judge took him OUT of the rehab; Camelot ended. He ended back in jail and once out, back on the streets again. Now, his best friend is dead from an overdose....
Please, give yourself the best possible chance you can... Be as honest as you can with your doctor.... Do whatever is necessary....
We care...
Shalom!