I agree Teke. I think I started falling apart because I always thought when AH disappeared years ago that he and his ex were already separated, but truthfully no more than we are. That ha\s me struck weird. However, I believe our relationship is different. I know he loves me and his actions, even him not contacting (which I had instructed, but not like him) has nothing to do with me, but more about wherever he is at mentally.
Its still hard. I still think of him as my soul mate. For now I have to remember my soul mate has not really living. And if he finds another enabler woman then that, as much as it hurts, is a reflection of his no esteem, and a gift from my higher power setting me free.
Maybe its true some things we are not meant to know.
I dont want to hear from him, it would be too hard, but that doesnt mean I dont worry