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Old 05-11-2007, 03:04 PM
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ghostgirl
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 239
i'm sick but still sober. stuck

hey guys... i'll make this a short as possible... i've posted a few times about my breakup with my bf (he broke it off with me... said he should not have been dating me in the first place with only a couple of months of sobriety, and i was so fearful and insecure, just needed to let it go). reading some of the other posts i've come to realize that i have used him (and other men) like a d.o.c. i'm elated when i hear from him, yet bothered and obsessive, too. i see him almost every day at work, which is really hard. (we still chit chat). at first he did call me, but then he stopped when i said it was too hard this "friendship" thing. i do not want to lose his friendship, but hearing from him is like taking a drink for me... i just realized that today. a college friend of his (a very pretty and younger girl) started to contact him again, and i guess they hang out now sometimes and it bothers the p!ss out of me... i pray ;and pray, and a part of me says oh God i wish he'd call... pay me some attention!! but i know it is like alcohol. God has taken my concerns as God's own burden, and damned if i don't keep trying to take them back again.

and this is testament to my sickness... today i thought "well i can drive by where he hangs out and see if he is there with HER"... and it occured to me after a "help me PLEASE" prayer that that is my sickness talking, and i did not do it. i went on about my business. if i would have, i may drink. i would have thought bad things about myself.... and, believe me, i would have done it if i was still drinking!!

god why is it so hard to let go???

i took the last two days off of work because i didn't want to see him, because i REALLY wanted to see him, if that makes any sense???????? i expected that he would be off of work today, but he wasn't, and when i saw him, again with ALL THOSE DAMNED THOUGHTS....

first time ever dealing with a break up while sober...

thank you for reading this and thank you all so much for the words of encouragement, not just that you've given me specifically, but to everyone. this place is a life saver.
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