Thanks Teke. SOme nights I sit here and wonder why its gotten worse instead of better. I do believe when completely sober he's devastated about losing us. But realistically I bet he's turning to his own coping mechanism of dulling all pain, so he's likely not feeling any of that right now.
Im sure Saturday when he called he expected me to back down, instead I didnt even say I love you. Odd though I feel better and better everyday. For the first time I feel I really deserve to be treated royally