Heather, You lost your soul in small pieces over time. It will take time to get it back, so don't be discouraged with yourself. If someone had told you a few years back that this is where you would be today, you would probably have not believed it could happen to you. Addiction is progressive and so is our addiction to the addict. So take those baby steps that you need to get your life back. Don't expect everything to fall into place. It will take time, but every good thing that you do for yourself will bring you closer to the person that you know you can and deserve to be. When I was at my worst, I hated to go to work, I hated to go to the store, I hated to do anything except sit at the kitchen table, smoking my cigarettes and worrying and awfulizing. I did not talk to people, I did the bare minimum as far as cleaning, etc. I lost 15 pounds and I looked ten years older. (not good when you are already 53
I am happy to say that everything (except my age) has improved since I have let go of my daughter's addiction. Hugs and prayers that you find peace and happiness, Marle