I need to talk about something and I figure if I bury it in here it won't draw too much attention. I found out today that a friend of mine in the program is using again. Has been the whole time I've known them. I've been crying off and on about it for a few hours. I don't know why it is affecting me so much. They are in deep. Stealing meds from work. I have had so many emotions, anger, sadness, disappointment. I actually told them at one point that a certain sleep med they were using was altering their mood. I said that because I felt like I could not live with myself if I did not tell them, for my sake and for their's. It felt like living a lie. I've shared on here before that I had had three bad experiences one right after the other with friends. And this was the last remaining friend in that group, the one that I thought was different from the others. I am in this weird space right now, feeling like everything around me has been built on a lie because all these people ended up being so very phony, even the program one was, I found out today. The positive part of it is that they know exactly what they want to do to get better. I'm angry because I started my program time over after taking an OTC medication yet this person claims decades of sobriety and is using prescription meds. I feel bad about feeling angry about that but I do. I have just been through a bad time where everything and everyone I was involved with turned out to be built on a lie, but it never touched the program stuff. And now after I found this out today it's like that hand of ugliness that I've been dealing with reached into my program as well. I feel so stupid for trusting these people. I am feeling pure, unadulterated sadness about this and just kind of wanted to share it but hide it at the same time where it won't draw too much attention.