Sounds like you are putting a good program together. I am facing the some of the same isues myself. I am 44 and have 40 days clean and sober. My doc are weed and beer. I have quit for various lengths of time...3,6,9,12 and my alltime record 18 months. Most of these were because of court order,work order or wife order. I was mostly a weekend warrior...hardly ever used during the week but almost never missed a weekend. In the end I would end up drinking a 12 pack smoking 10-12 bongs and pass out. The hangovers just started to hurt to much and for to long. I tried using weed only but after 8 or 9 months I ended up drinking and was right back where I started. So I decided to get completely clean and sober in 2007 and made a massive effort starting Jan 1. I quit drinking,partying and smoking all at the same time. I had used both 12 step and rr in some of my past recoveries and combined both 12 step and rational methods(smart) his time around as well as diet, exercise, meditation and working one on one with a shrink to really try to get to the bottom of being abused when i was very young. I made it 90 days and went straight from a sat night na meeting to the pot spot and the beer spot and came home sucked down 10 heineken lights and got high as a georgia pine and celebrated my escape from recovery land. Until the next morning when I realized that I had not been able to quit. I was completely demoralized and depressed and smoked on and off for another week or so and then spilled the beans to my counselor. I tried to talk to her about using a harm reduction approach because I just did not feel that complete abstinence was a viable goal. She was having none of it and insisted that seeing her once a week was not going to cut it. There was something in her demeanor that really scared me. She was an RN before she was a therapist and has seen what alcohol from a clinical point of view. So I threw out some really potent skunk and started all over once again. She has asked me to commit to 12 step work for 1 year and to look at it like chemo therapy. No matter how bad I feel about going just do it. This I have agreed to do. I am going into with a good heart and an open mind. I have a sponsor and have gotten some very good 12 step books. I am trying to go to at least 3-4 meetings a week and have found a few friends. I really like the philosophy behind the 12 steps they are really deep in a psych spiritual way. Most of the people are very friendly. I just have such a hard time trusting because I was so trashed by my parents when I was a toddler I feel like I am 5 years old again and being tortured when I here some of the stuff hat I hear. But I am doing it even though trying to imagine a lifetime of complete sobriety still sends me into a complete funk. A lot of people seem to think that the 6 month mark is where the psychological cravings really start to subside. I truly hope so because my trigger is consciosness itself. I am truly a slave to weed. I do feel much less depressed and anxious when clean and sober so that is definetly a plus to it. I got a presription for naltrexone for cravings 50mg a day, cymbalta for depression 90mg a day, gabapentin 400mg as needed for anxiety and lunesta for insomnia as needed. I dont feel very good about being on all thes meds but my MD says these are far safer than smoking weed and getting trashed on the weekend. I plan on getting off of some of them as soon as i can they are not a magic bullet but I have gotten thru this first month with a lot less struggle than back in January. Well I hope this short bio gives you some ideas to kick around and hope we can help each other out I always enjoy reading your posts and hope that none of my previous posts rubbed you the wrong way i use this forum to vent and complain about recovery in general and the 12 steps in particular but my goal is like most people here...to have a better quality of life...