My daughter and I went through what you are going through many times before the last time. My biggest fear was that I would never see her again. That is what kept me trying over and over again. Each time ended with one of us being upset, usually me. I know that fear. Wanting to call and apologize for something that I did not create. The last time I talked (well actually it was messaging) to her I just told her that our relationship was in the sh*tter because of her addiction. She acknowledged that was the truth. I told her that I was trying to learn everything that I can about her addiction and that I loved her. She said she knew that I was trying because she could see I was treating her differently. I was kinder. That is when I told her that my fear was that she was going to die and that I could not continue to see her because I could not handle the destruction that addiction causes but it did not mean that I did not love her. That is when she told me not to worry, that she knows that she will be okay. We told each other that we loved each other and said goodbye. It did not happen instantly, like I said, we had many arguments, many sad partings. But I really think that my daughter understands that I want the best for her, but she has to do it herself. I will not let her blame me. If she tries, I instantly tell her it is her problem, not mine. I am working on myself. If you told your son how you feel, then let it go. You stood up for yourself and you were honest with him. I am sure he will call again, but let it be him that calls. You can then lay down some more ground rules. You can agree to talk to him if he is civil and does not burden you with his problems. He is going to be angry because you are changing the rules on him. Baby steps. You will be okay, but, just like the addict has to want to get better, we codies must want to get better too. Hugs, Marle