Originally Posted by
drainedwife 
Anyway, i guess if I said something to my ah about me knowing he used last night...it wouldnt matter..he would just deny it. Also, i would have to be ready to back-up the consequences.
Sadly, these statements are true, wife. I don't really have any advice; only you can decide what to do. But you do absolutely have to be ready to follow up your words with the consequences you promise. If you don't follow through, he will be worse than the little child who is threatened again and again with punishment that never comes.
I told my exAH many, many times over the years that if he didn't stop using then we were done. But I never followed through until this time. O, I left him a few times but I never had any sort of plan and ended up going back because the status quo felt somehow safer than the unknown.
It hasn't been exactly easy this time, because he has pulled out some pretty hurtful, manipulative stuff over the last 9 weeks. Things I never would have thought even he would do or say. (I also wouldn't have thought he could still hurt me like he can by the things he says and does; I thought I was beyond being hurt by him).
Just hang in there and look at your options; start with a plan, figure out how you can get there from here and how long it will take. Then start doing it. Baby steps. You don't have to do anything in the end, but at least you will have a choice, and that in itself is empowering to us who lived for so long thinking we did not have one.
((((HUGS)))