((((drained)))) ,
I'm so sorry you're still going through this. At least you are clear on the life you want -- some people never even get to that point, they just keep giving in forever, forever confused and
I didn't start getting better until I went for a few times to a therapist ALONE. First I went with my X, thinking that's where the problem was. When it went on and on and nothing changed except what he was whining about (same stuff you mention -- SAME STUFF WE ALL GO THROUGH AND WE DON"T TURN TO ILLEGAL DRUGS....) I started going alone because I wanted to find the strength to stand up for myself.
I did, and life is about a thousand times better now than then. I had to make it about me and my family, and stop fluttering around an addict expecting them to think clearly and change their behavior. I wasted 7 years with that, and would've wasted 7 more if I hadn't gotten some help for ME AND JUST FOR ME.
Hoping that life becomes clearer and stronger for you
Love,
GL