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Old 05-02-2007, 07:01 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
newenglandgirl
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: By the sea
Posts: 415
Hey Cage,

boy, your post really brings back memories. My AH's drinking ruined so many vacations. It's so amazing to me now what I put up with then. Just like you, I feel like a fool sometimes...It's just hard for me to understand how "blind" I was. I mean I knew that I didn't like it at all when he would drink too much and act like a-hole...but it never crossed my mind (!!!), until the last months in our relationship, that he had a really serious and deep problem. I understand that I had never had any previous exposure to addiction, and all that comes with it, so all the times he would "act up" I'd always treat it like a bad pms episode or something - I honestly didn't think it was much deeper than that. But I am now trying to deal with why I was willing to overlook so much. Little by little (just like that frog in the pot of water that's getting hotter very gradually), I found myself in a very bad marriage with a very sick man. When I look back now, all the red flags are so clear! I remember worrying so many times that he put too much emphasis on drinking, but, to be honest, I was like a pit-bull on the idea of getting married and having a baby. I think I denied and ignored a lot of "stuff" because I was too afraid to face the truth. Also, I have to say that I always assumed that everything would just work itself out as time went on...It never occured to me that he wouldn't keep good on his word to stop drinking and start doing all the things I wanted us to do together (walks, bike rides, movies, museums, etc.). I thought I was dealing with a "normal" person. Wow - it never occured to me that he was really sick! It wasn't until his drinking began to seriously interfere with everyday life (work, helping family, etc.) and he started spending days in his room drinking sun up til sun down and acting/looking like a crazy person, that I began to suspect that something was seriously, deeply wrong. His descent into madness happened right under my nose. I feel guilty that I did not see it sooner. I feel guilty that I drank with him as if he was a "normal" person. Of course I know it's not my fault (3 Cs), but I feel dirty when I think of all the times I "partied" with him...and all the while he was going crazy little by little.

Wow - sorry for the tangent!

I am sorry your trip got postponed...and I really do hope that you get to go soon. It sounds like so much fun!
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