cagefree

So, today was the day I was supposed to be going on vacation to Disney World with my XABF and it's tough. I must say if you plan a trip with an A - BUY TRIP INSURANCE! It was the best thing I did when I was with him, and it saved me $2300.

Each year in our relationship, I would always take one week off from work and go up to the lake and hang out with him and his family (which start drinking by noon).

The First year I went with him, he yelled at me because I wanted to go swimming when he needed to find a ride to the country store to buy o'douls because he lost his license with the last DUI.

The Second year was a bit better - no O'Douls. didn't stop him from being a jerk and blaming me. I wanted to go kayaking and he claimed I was being too clingy. I have epilepsy and cannot go out on a lake in a kayak by myself. That is a boundary I refuse to let go of. I needed to have someone go with me and he was the only other person at the lake who wan't intoxicated who knew what to do if the unthinkable should happen.

The Third and final year, he was so unbelievably rude to me that I left camp and drove back to my house when he took off fishing with the guys. I love fishing and it was always our thing...but I always came second. While I was at the house that night he decided to get drunk with the guys and lied to me about it until September when I kicked him out. I never knew he drank, so when I came back the next day, he was all apologies about being a jerk. Everyone at the lake knew he drank...no one said a word to me. It was probably one of the things I will not being able to forigve his family for. "So, what did you guys do last night?" We all hung out - they said...now I know where he learned that lying by omission was okay. So we went fishing, I got my hook caught on a rock and the rod broke (how often does that happen - never!). Yelled at me again...do you think he let me use one of the 2 rods he was fishing with? Nope, I ruined the day according to him and we had to go back to shore so he could pick up a different passenger and I could get in my car and buy another fishing rod.

I had always wanted a Disney vacation. Don't get me wrong I loved the lake (just not with him), but I've always wanted to go to Disney world for a week and just play - just the 2 of us...my vacation. The lake was always "his" vacation, and never just the 2 of us, and always surrounded by drinking. When I booked the Disney vacation I paid for ALL OF IT - even planned a fishing trip in there. When we went to the lake, I always paid for half...

I never got what I wanted, what I deserved.

It's so obvious to me every stinkin day was a fool I was and just how uneducated I was about this disease. I was obsessing about this stupid vacation that never was and supposed to be in the air to Orlando right now. I even accidentally called his number yesterday (thank god I got his vm). I was meaning to call my mom who lives in another state - another area code...and I dialed the number without even realizing it...it will be tough to get my mind off of this today...

Thanks for letting me share.