Am I a glutton for punishment? Or just crazy?
Seriously. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.
I do so well. So amazing well. Then, I hear from him. Maybe a text, maybe he shows up here. And I fall apart. I get angry or upset or sometimes I just want to fall to my knees and beg. Beg him to get help. Beg him to not live like this. I mean, we are over, but, how could ANYONE choose to live that way????? Why do I answer the door? Why do I even look at the texts. I KNOW "I love you" = "I am running out of money" or "I miss you" = " I just woke up in a crack motel and realized living in a house was much nicer" But, it's just stirs up all these emotions. And a part of me just DIES inside. I just want to believe so badly. But, that part of my is dying as well. And the emotions are changing. I just wish it wasn't so slow.
Sometimes, I wish I could not feel. Like the addicts do. They are so emotionless it is scary. But, it must be nice at times like this. They can just walk away. But, that really isn't the way to go through life.....
Why can't I just walk away and not look back. I want everyday to be a good one. I just want to get away.....