Thanks Marle. I posted the same thread over in the substancec abuse forum just to see what they would have to say about it, but like 13 people have viewed it but still no responses. It is just such a hard situation for me. It tears me right in the middle. I love my husband. I really do, no matter how many times a day I say I hate him. As much as I hate pain medicine I cant just sit back and watch him hurt. We have alot of fights because of this situation. He blames me alot for his back being in such bad shape. In 2003 when he first started hurting real bad he says he would tell me and I would gripe and complain about him not going to work so he would just take pain pills so he could go to work and me not complain about the money. For some reason my brain has blocked part of this time frame out. I know that part of that scenario is him manipulating, but in a way part of it is true. I wouldnt have anyn problem with the pain meds if he could just control himself, but hes an addict and he cant so why do even say that? I keep trying to tell myself that this is what God has given me and somehow I have to work through it because he had a reason for putting this on me, but I just dont know how to act or how to feel or how to be compassionate to my husband without looking like a total idiot enabler to outsiders.