littleclement

Hi everyone,

I'm so glad to have somewhere to talk about my situation, I can't even explain. I suppose I'll begin by telling everyone about what's going on.

My boyfriend is a heroin addict. When we met two and a half years ago, he only smoked pot, but his interest in substances steadily grew from pot to hallucinogens like shrooms, to cocaine, and eventually to heroin. I suppose the only reason it didn't concern was because that was the type of environment I was used to, a very high risk environment. Everyone I knew was using something, and no one was concerned about it at all, even me (I have never been addicted to drugs - I've done some experimenting but never enjoyed it). We were accustomed to addiction, illness, overdose, and death - for a long time, my best friend and I had a betting pool going, and we routinely bet on which one of our friends would die first. In retrospect, I've of course realized how awful that was. I would say, "Five bucks says John dies by September", and she would say, "Ten says Jane dies by August."

One day, after detaching myself from this community of addicts, I woke up and realized that my boyfriend (who was still my friend at the time), SPC, had a problem. His mother found that he had been using and thus began the cycling through various rehabilitation programs - counseling, inpatient, outpatient, meetings... all the forms of rehab. Of course, nothing worked.

In fact, he is in his first REALLY serious rehab program right now, although it has taken him many programs to get there. On November 27th, 2006, he left for a rehab a few hours away from where I live, where he relapsed after a little more than a month. I had not been able to contact him the entire time. I was not in contact with his mother either, so I had no idea where he was. I just assumed he'd been taken to a rehab program. After he was kicked out, he was sent to a Sober College program in southern California. This place was great. It is a sober school environment where the students are allowed to interact, essentially, like normal peers in a normal college - only it was monitored, there were meetings every night, and all the typical rehab aspects. He was doing incredibly well, getting along with all the guys in his house. He was able to call me frequently, and when he did, he sounded so happy and full of life. I hadn't heard him sound like that in over a year. When he called me for the first time since he had left home, I was actually STARTLED when he laughed, because he had never laughed before he went into treatment. He was always very somber, grim, lifeless. Now he was able to laugh, tell me he missed me, tell me little silly stories about his day, communicate his fears and hopes to me. It was truly beautiful, and I thanked whatever benevolent force was out there for giving him this second chance.

Three months into his treatment at the sober college, I became concerned when he didn't call me for two weeks. Finally, he was able to call me and tell me that he had relapsed after four months of sobriety, and had been sent to a wilderness program out of California. I was heartbroken. For some reason, I totally did not expect him to relapse because things were going so well for him. This was before I understood that relapse is part of the disorder. I have since taken the time to learn a great deal about addiction, relapse, recovery, etc. He is still in the wilderness program right now. He gets out on May 10th, after which he'll be going back to the sober college for another 3 months of treatment. He's not even coming home for so much as a day after getting out of the wilderness program. He's going straight to the sober college. He has the option to visit home for a few days, but he doesn't feel that it would be best for his sobriety, which, although it saddens me because I miss him so much and I would love to see him, I think shows tremendous discipline on his part. And I know it's painful for him too, that he misses me SO much, but he's doing what he has to do to stay sober, and I'm very proud of him for that.

Thankfully, I may be able to drive down to southern California (an 8+ hour drive) to visit him in June, which will make it easier for me to deal with him being gone until August.

The wilderness program is an incredible system. Patients go on weeklong trips into the wilderness, go on a minimum five-mile hike a day carrying 75 pound packs. My boyfriend says that he has heard it is an amazing spiritual experience. I hope it is for him. Unfortunately, these trips mean he can hardly call me at all, or even send me letters. I still send him a letter almost every day.

My main concern is if he will relapse when he will come home. Heroin resources would be readily available to him, should he decide to start shooting up again. I also think he will struggle with avoiding his old friends he used to do heroin with, because most of his friends are smack addicts. Granted, most of these addicts have since become sober and have been completely successful, but I am still concerned that they will all fall back into old habits as a community. Or, they would support each other's sobriety as a sober community - it could work either way, but it seems the former occurs more frequently than the latter.

Out of all the heroin addicts in this town, I think he is most at risk for relapse, besides his best friend, JC. I never really thought JC would get clean, although I have heard he is now on the methadone program. SPC has the worst history of addiction, and I am afraid that he will relapse. I am prepared to go to meetings with him, take him to counseling, and be very involved in his life... but relapse in unpredictable. But I am completely willing to do whatever it takes to help him... I realize that I can only extend MY help so far, and that much of it must come from his own end. The good news is, he is very emotionally open, and generally happy and stable. He was recently taken off of anti-depressants for the first time in around 4+ years and he's doing well. I think being emotionally stable will be a good tool in staying sober for him.

The main point of this post was just to release my story, which I haven't fully spoken to anyone about before. It felt wonderful to get that out, and I thank everyone who reads this. And if anyone has advice on who to approach dealing with an ex-addict who is freshly out of rehab, I would appreciate it SO much. I'd like to know what to expect if that it possible.

Thank you everyone!