Originally Posted by newblue82
"Does your first love ever die?"
…I saw this thread earlier & hoped like mad that it wasn't tucked away in the "ladies only" forum.
I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to the dreaded "first love" haunting. I met a sweetheart in high school summer session. We dated off & on for a couple of months--mostly off--and broke up. We got back together a few years later and actually planned on getting married. I was downright crazy for this young lady. Unfortunately, my alcohol problem resurfaced right at an untimely moment just a month after I had asked her Father for her hand in wedlock.
The downward spiral that soon followed still leaves me quite dizzy. And that was over 15 years ago. Through the Grace of the Greater Powers That Be, we recently reconnected after a brief email exchange. We did not reunite. The ONE Infinitesimally small thread of hope I carried with me all these years, was obliterated. All I ever wanted was to be with this Gawd-Loving princess for the rest of my life.
The fatal realization finally hit me. It was never meant to be. I think
that crushed me more than anything. Do I still love her? I am almost embarrassed to admit it, but yes I do. And if I were on bended knee, my answer would be "yes. I do."
I still must remind myself to remain pragmatic and realistic about the turn of events. The single most important thing that resulted from our emails, was finally making amends to each other and laying a long-dead relationship to rest. The last time we spoke was 1 year ago, back in March.
*sigh*
We always hated saying goodbye so much...and to say goodbye for the last time...it tore my heart out. But since I had given her my heart completely (by virtue of Lancelot's Complex), the healing could finally take place, and my heart could be restored.
