Fix You...........................(Coldplay)
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
when you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what your worth
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears streaming down your face and I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
This is a bit how I am feeling right now. I talked with my husband this morning about the events of yesterday. He said if it was his family doing and saying what they do to me, he would have the strength to turn his back on them. As it is my family doing this to me, he can only make suggestions. He has mentioned before that I seem to always be looking for my families approval. My mother and sister, my 3 children. My dad died many years ago at the age of 45 due to complications from alcoholism. I honestly long for the days when my family will say that they love me, unconditionally. I know in my heart that it will never happen. The one person who loved and believed in me died Christmas Eve of 99. My Grandma. She had made plans to come to where I was and pay for rehab and stay with me while I was going through it all the Jan. of 2000. It took 5 years before I could go to rehab. I went because I believed it would change the way my family felt about me. My mom, sister, children and husband. I made it 4 months out of rehab before I relapsed. That was March of last year. Life has gotten worse since then.
My husband told me one day that he thought I was living for approval from my mom. That I was always trying to get her approval for no matter what I was doing. My choices in the past and in my present, even my future. I guess in some ways I have. I want her undying love and I am not getting it. I know, deep down, that I am never going to get it. 2 cancer scares and 2 surgeries later and no mom when I woke up. She's almost like an Orchid I had. My husband bought it for me when I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago. I cut off the flowering part without realizing that it would change the plant. I tried for 2 years to get it to bloom again and it never did. Finally, I through it away. That's what I know I have to do with my family. I have to throw them away. They will never bloom.
Laceyhearts.....
P.S. You can go to Youtube and type in Coldplay, Fix you...........if you want to hear the song