Thread: crackreality
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:45 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Shelby
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: MD
Posts: 2
Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Shelby, and I have been a member of Crackreality since 2003. At first glance I can understand where we might come off as having no compassion for the addict, or you see our teasing as being unkind. Over the years and well over 100,000 posts later, I can honestly say we have only had two “success” stories. One addicted loved one is going on 4 years clean, however she has resided in an inpatient rehab facility during her entire length of sobriety. The other members loved one has 18 months clean, and while he has abstained from mind altering substances, he still displays many of the addict behaviors. So, when you get the idea that there is no hope, 2 out of 100,000 is not a very promising statistic. And, to back this up, NIDA puts the recovery rate at 3% for crack addiction.

I have posted this over there many times, I honestly believe that crack addiction is very different than most. I know many recovering addicts, mostly opiate. With the opiate addicts they do their share of lying, blaming, blame-shifting, and stealing. But, there is also much sadness, hurt, and mostly self-destructive behavior. With crack addicts, I see that and much intentional cruelness in their actions. They use almost brain washing techniques to make their loved ones feel less than, to make us believe that we are truly the unstable ones. They twist our words, and make us doubt our sanity. The put us down, making us feel unlovable, ugly, worthless, and insecure, with the purpose of achieving the upper hand. I totally understand and agree with the Disease Model of addiction, however there is something deeper, almost sinister when it comes to crack addiction. The subculture of crack is ugly, real ugly, and we keep it real there, Crackreality is not for those who are still in denial or for the faint of heart.

And, yes we are in favor of the “No Contact Rule” or for parents the “No Involvement Rule”. This is after we have tried everything else. And, trust me we have all done the begging, crying, threatening, deal-making, compassion, support, encouragement, anger, hurt, guilt-tripping, until we have exhausted every possible method, and lost ourselves in the process. Crack addicts have a very hard time letting go. They seem to want to call and contact us for a long time after the relationship is over. They want to tell us how they are now clean and that we were the reason they used in the first place and continued to use. They also have the need to inform us that they are now in a new relationship. And, when children are involved, even though they are now “clean”, for some reason they can never seem to pony up to random UI’s or pay any type of child support, or even show up for visitation when it is allowed. You ever see the face of an innocent child waiting for mom or dad to come see them, only to be let down? And, they are always waving that finger of blame our way. This is when and why “no contact” is important, any contact keeps us chained to the chaos, and keeps us from moving forward in our recoveries.

Furthermore, we are all about OUR recoveries. We try to let go with love, but if we have to let go in anger or hurt, that works for a short time too. We have come to accept that there is no control in any of this, and the only one we can change is ourselves. And then we set about doing the hard work it takes to not repeat past bad or unhealthy behaviors on our part. What the addict does is NOT our side of the street, that part is all on them. Maybe they will catch up, maybe they won’t.

So, for those whose loved ones are crack addicts, I encourage you and invite you to read the many informative posts. I truly believe once you read all of our stories, all in one place you will see there is a very definitive pattern they ALL seem to share. We also have fun and get silly, there is so much pain, that sometimes we just have to laugh through our tears. You also will see a whole lot of growth and recovery on our parts, and those lightbulb moments when we switch from rescue mode to taking back our own lives mode. Cause that’s what this is all about, finding ourselves, changing for the better, and living serene happy lives.

Sincerely,
Shelby
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