Something in post really struck a note with me.
When both my kids developed active addiction, I took down their high school pictures from my desk at work. Instead I suddenly found comfort in pictures of them at 3 or 4 or as toddlers.
Then at one of the (multiple) family weeks I attended at the kids' rehabs, the speaker mentioned this taking down and replacing pictures, and I realized this was not uncommon amongst parents of addicts. This was one of the first 'bonding' things I felt... a similarity with other parents going through the same things as me.
It took me a few months, but at some point, I decided to start seriously attending Alanon... initially because I misunderstood someone and thought it would "fix" my kids... but finally because it was good for ME... it helped me stop the crying and praying and obsessing and...pain.
(((Hugs)))
Welcome to Sr.