Yeah, I'm waiting for relapse mode. He's not doing anything consistently to stay clean, and these frequent blow ups feel like he's priming for a reason to go use.
That said, and as bad as things have been, we have these moments of clarity. A few mornings ago, we sat together and talked about his new job and a few other things, and for those moments, I could see that he was really being honest with himself, honest with me--it's like sometimes I get a window through the addict facade to see the man I love on the inside.
Maybe I'll have a hissy fit and get him to a meeting on Sunday. He doesn't like the NA scene, but he'll go sometimes to AA. Maybe I'll find one that has an Al-anon with it and see if we can go together--sometimes if I promise him Taco Bell afterwards, he'll go!
(It's like having a 12 year old!)