Wife,
Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. I guess everyone at some point or another has to. My exagf could be quite explosive at times, so much that I found myself constantly walking on eggshells, but at one point she and I were attending couples counseling, and there was one very very simple thing that the counselor said that I will never forget: envision the outcome of an engagement before engaging and decide whether that outcome is the result you're looking for. Oh man, so very very hard to practice, especially when our so's hit a nerve and prey upon one of our insecurities or vulnerabilities. But I started practicing it, and it didn't change at all what or how she reacted or exploded over, but it allowed me to control Me, and by doing so, I felt a lot better about Me, by not getting angry myself and then saying or doing something I wish I hadn't. And I also never felt like I was walking on egshells anymore either. I didn't push aside her bad behavior or forget about it, but I waited until the time was right and conducive to achieving the outcome that I really wanted: telling her how I felt and having her listen. Didn't mean much would change for long, but the outcome was better because I realized that even though I might have the right to get angry over her behavior and how she was treating me at that particular moment, it didn't mean that I had to an upon it right then and there. I told myself I reserve the right to bring the matter up at a better time. If my exagf's behavior was so extreme that being in the same place at that moment would lead to a less than desirable outcome, I got in my car and took a ride, maybe to the park for a walk, or since my work never ends as a computer engineer, there was always work(Employers love that!!!
