Hey cinder,
Don't feel bad for the back and forth stuff with him. It has taken me SO many years to finally get to the point I am at now, where I have been able to stick to my boundaries. Heck, I didn't even know I could have boundaries. I didn't know I had choices. Living with addiction does that to you.
I haven't been on much lately, so I am shooting in the dark about this. Forgive me if I ask things you already answered. Do you have an attorney? Or can you go to legal aid or something?
I got a restraining order, through my attorney, against my AH, and then when he started coming around and calling, I took pictures of my cell phone log and saved all the voice mails he left. Now he is being charged with 20-something counts of contempt for ignoring the restraining order. He has completely backed off now.
The thing is, I had to get to the place where the manipulation, threats, intimidation, pleas to 'work things out' , begging, etc., just didn't get to me anymore.
It wasn't easy at first but it gets easier every day. I get stronger every day he is gone. I worry about him a little less. And it feels so good to be out of the drama.
Take care of yourself, and keep on keeping on. You are taking steps to set boundaries with him. It's hard but you can do it!
(((HUGS)))