Bjen---sadness seems to come with the territory--I remember one year in my life-where as you say--I felt nothing but complete sadness-it was awful-I thought nothing could be worse than this--then wham--it got worse-by then we go into survival mode and stop feeling anything--I dont know which is worse sometimes...
I only found ''myself'' when I learned to meditate and study Buddhism--I learned how to temporarily focus on small gifts around me-the sun--a flower-beautiful music-a small child--to BREATH!! Then I learned to chant-that may sound strange to some of you but I learned to really clear my mind....of course I dont practise as I should and it shows when I don't--I have frequent meltdown lol.
Life is constantly changing--friend move away--people die-jobs end--babies are born--thats why I always think to make life harder than it already naturally is is such a waste...well thats just me...I just keep trying---just like you...