Bjen

I keep trying to ignore it but I still hurts! My best friend of 17 years left this morning. It is so silly that I feel so bad. She took a 3 month traveling nurse job 6 hours away and left her kids here to finish out school and she will be traveling back and forth for them. I will probably see her more then I did when she lived here now. But it feels funny not having her across town. This morning I thought after EAster dinner I would call her and see if she wanted to meet at our favorite biker bar for a bloody Mary but I cannot. I bought her a childish keychain yesterday. Little puzzle pieces- one said best and the other said friends. I gave it to her as she was getting in her truck. She gave me my late Valentines present. A silly pink and white spotted giraffe. We thanked each other, I pranced the giraffe and made a joke and we both just stood there looking at each other.
I met her later last night and we talked about it as we were walking to the car. I said I felt like if I didn't hurry and leave I would cry. She said she did when she got in the truck. I told her I did too in my car. We both laughed and hugged. Her and I are both very tough. "We don't cry". It is funny we can't cry in front of each other. I am sure we would have never stopped if we had.
I can't believe how much this bothers me. I never used to feel anything about anything. Now it seems like the feelings I have are always sad ones. I am working on excitement and happiness. I want to be like my neice who gets excited and jumps up and down with one arm in the air when I remember to buy her strawberries. I am glad I am hanging out with her today.
OK I'm done now, thank you for letting me ramble. B