I have been trying to keep this light but I understand. I really do.
how? Well, for me it took getting really really angry and cutting off all contact 100%. Hosever, I don't have children and I was not married to him and his behavior left me feeling violated.. I never have felt anger like that.
Then I turned it all over to my HP. This does not mean I have to accept what he did. It just means his behavior it isn't mine anymore.
Just take care of you. Make sure you keep yourself safe and the finances out of his hands. and, believe me, if I lived closer I would come on over for Pizza but only if you came over and taught your kids the magic of the dark room.
You are not on an easy path or in an easy place. Hitting the repeat button would drive me up the wall. Stay safe.