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Old 09-17-2003, 10:28 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
JT
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
After I posted I knew you would come back saying "WHAT!!??"

Here is the scoop...you cannot make him put the lawn mower away or the vacum, you can't make him get a job, you cannot make him feed the dog or stop drinking. You cannot change one thing about him. Accept it, accept HIM.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (other people places and things....HIM) the courage to to change the things I can (ME) and the wisdom to know the difference.

Since you are not going anywhere anytime soon, working on yourself is your only option. Personally fighting with Ward is unpleasant and I choose not to do it. If I really get going then I feel guilty for something I did or said and I don't want to feel quilty. If I yell at Ward it gives him an excuse to blame ME for his drinking.

When Ward crashed a coffee table I said nothing, however I did leave the mess for him to clean up...but I said nothing at all. You could read the confusion in his face! He would rather have me bitching so he could bitch back, than face his own embarrassment.

It may seem like always compromising but it isn't. It is taking care of YOU. How many times have you come here upset because you had lost your temper again? You don't enjoy feeling that way...I know you don't....so don't lose your temper. Pick one thing not to loose your temper about that usually gets you going...if you are anything like I was, when I came home from work I would blow up alot because the house was a mess. When I stopped doing that it was noticed big time by my family. I just made it a point to shut up and not blow, one day at a time. One less fight per day made MY life better.

Watch the dynamics. He will expect you to act as you always have and when you don't he will be watching and wondering.

Can you here me now??

Hugs,
JT
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