Welcome, Marianelaine, I'm glad you joined us.
My son is an addict and you'll find many many moms here as well as others who love an addict, and they will all be happy to share with you.
What I learned and what most moms learned is that no matter how much we love them, how much we try to protect them, how many times we bail them out of jail or trouble...it' just doesn't help. No matter how much we beg, plead, cry, threaten or manipulate and try to control, it just doesn't help.
I learned the hard way and was as sick as my son before I finally let go and let him find his own way. All the things that I thought I was helping by doing just prolonged his journey. I was robbing him of the lessons about how to take care of himself, I robbed him of the lessons that there are consequences for our actions and we can't hide from them.
I think you all are doing a good "loving" thing by allowing her to find her own way. What many of us have done is just let our children know that we love them and just cannot support their disease. We provide them with a phone list of detox's, rehabs and NA meetings.
My son has been missing 2 years, but he knows where help is, he knows how to find it, and he will when he is ready and not a moment before.
I get through my days by saying a prayer each morning, asking God to take care of my son. Then I spend my day in faith and live a happy life today, finding beauty in each day.
I learned to do this by going to meetings, getting a sponsor and learning to work the steps. If you can find a Naranon, Alanon or CoDA meeting near you, please go and try about 7 meetings before you decide if they are right for you or not. Meetings saved my life and I know they can help you stay sane in the midst of the insanity of addiction.
My prayers go out for all of you. It's a long journey but we walk it together here side by side, and together we can do what we cannot do alone.
Hugs