Pretty like what morning glory said, but it got uglier and uglier.
Without even relizing it..I've adjusted to chaos and became
comfortable with it, but it got worst and worst. I felt if thou
I coldn't live without it...not so much her, She became the
vechicle for my insanity, my dramma, my anger, my co-dependency.
There's was a lot of hurt, anger, frustration, insanity inside of me. It
had to work itself out of me somehow, But I had to be carefully not
to feed into my dramma again...the same as the As would substitute
with meetings, but it's okay if i did. It's part of my learning curve.
It's part of the process or an [art of my recovery.
Okay...we worked things out...i had to loose all my marbles first.lol
I had to hit my co-dependency bottom. Mentally, emotionally, spirtually
and finacially. Having a break down was actaully a break through.
I basically woke up oneday and was sick of all the crap...my crap.
For some reason i don't struggle anymore, perhapse i stopped strugling
from hitting my bottom. i surrender, i give up the fight.
For some damn reason if I walk my program, i didn't give her
crap to react to. And if she decides to go on a run..let her, oh freaken well.
I'm not going to go through my crap again. it's a good thing
i don't have those damn marbles anymore to try and figure it out.lol
Without marbles...it's clear as day.
I'm Happy without having to think.....just be happy....simple ain't it.lol
So yeah all this dramma seems a waste of time....but i can't
forget where i came from. A lot of people helped me and was
there for me. I can only keep what I have by giving it away.