You can want normal and ok with him all you want, but, if he doesn't want it...it isn't going to happen.
Detaching doesn't mean leaving the addict, some can detach and continue to live forever with an active user. I am not one of those people, I started to detach while my ex-abf was here with me, then I realized that senerio of somewhat detaching would not work for me. I needed to fly, and with him I had a broken wing, one that could not be repaired until I let him go, and put me first.
If he is not serious about his recovery, there is no future as a "we"...drugs will continue to be his first love. His DOC will be sitting in the passengers seat, and you will be sitting in the back seat, just as you are doing now. Me, I like to drive the car, don't even like being a passenger. I know where I am going and know how to get there...and only I can do that, no one else can.
My father has always said "Be like a fighter in the ring, fight fair, but protect yourself at all times."
He will always be an addict, that is his mindset, it is just a matter of whether he is active or not.
You have a choice, you can jump off the garbage truck anytime, or you can ride it all the way to the dump...this is your choice....
Deatching is not easy for a codie, we don't like thinking we are not in control,
that we don't wear a while hat and ride in on a big white horse, and save the world at large,we codies just hate to fail, but we do. Why, because we just can let go and live our own life to the fullest, after all, if we don't save the addict, who will...there is only one person that can save the addict,and you know who that is, the addict...
Look at yourself from the inside out, where do you want to be 5 years from today and how are you going to get there.
As Ever,
Dolly