Your experience is that AA/NA actually drives partners apart. I certainly can't argue with your experience, but mine is different.
In my Alanon group, we have many "double winners", we also have a good number of spouses who are actively attending open AA meetings... not necessarily those of their spouse. In fact, much of the spouses time is spent working... on the spouse.
Because we are raised in chaos, often in alcholic or otherwise dysfunctional homes, many of us in Alanon NEED the program as much as the alcoholic. We need the introspection to become aware that some of us do not have all the answers. For me, this is especially true.
It is possible for two people to be so SELF involved, they cannot include their partners, but in my groups that is frowned on.
Perhaps you can try some other groups, at other times or locations. Each group has a "personality", and some locations actually have a "flavor" to them.
In my town, the local 12-step club has the most meetings of anywhere around... and the least amount of long-term recovery and good amount of "sick meetings".
However, many of the local "church meetings" are just the opposite.
Just another idea... ((hugs))