Aa/na
I read this statement from a recovering person, to a new comer on the other board, and it really bugged me! It is exactly why I feel AA/NA programs are as bad for marriages/relationships, as using. This is the exact quote:
”Oh, and re: your wife, if she is not an alcoholic/addict, nothing against her, but she will never understand. Ever. She is not "one of us".
This is the feeling of exclusion, that drives us all so crazy when our a’s are active. We search for the truth like crazed detectives trying to find out, where they go, what they do, and why… because we desperately want to “understand”, …so that we can feel emotionally close to our partner.
If they are being told in recovery that, “You wife doesn’t understand you” (That tired old “cheaters” line!), and she NEVER will…well no wonder there are so many affairs that begin inside those rooms!
Why be with someone you can never truly *know* even when their sober?
Would you really be comfortable with your partner going to meetings and being told that you don't understand them and you never will?
If the recovery program is just going to drive another wedge between you, replacing the old one, why bother staying together?
Maybe the program "Works"...But it also works against families imo!
I think changes in the 12 step platform, in this area, is long over due.
JSM