HK,
Welcome to SR.
First, you are SO deserving of being treated with love and respect.
Second, have you tried meetings, Al Anon or Nar Anon? I cannot tell you HOW MUCH meetings have helped me with my self esteem! I'm amazed. I'd like that for you, so please try to find meetings and attend them. The change doesn't happen overnight, it's a very slow process, but I'd be willing to bet you $1,000,000 that if you go and stick with them, your self esteem will improve.
Hang in there and keep coming back.
Hugs,
Hangin' In