(((((WTB)))))
I am so sorry, sweetie. So very sorry. I do know your pain. I've been there before. When I first started looking online and found soberrecovery, I was at the point where I was imagining killing my son, then killing myself. I wanted to end his pain and suffering, but I could never live without him.
After being here since oct. 2005, I have taken great strides in changing that way of thinking.
I still cry because he is still active, but I no longer deal with the drama and chaos like before. I have learned detaching and letting go.
Prayers and support to you, sweetie. Try to stay strong and trust that his HP is taking care of him and putting him exactly where he needs to be.
Praying for rock bottom too.
Your in my thoughts and prayers tonight,