Thanks for your post and for being so open about your difficulties.
I have to say I'm just glad that you have an alternative to try and I hope the SMART meetings give you the impetus and support that you need.
I can fully understand that AA isn't for some people. I personally am of the opinion - and I know it's contentious, but it's an opinion - that anyone at all, and without exception can get sober in AA. But I do think that some members think that that means that anyone at all can get sober in AA only, or that only AA can get anyone sober. Neither of these are true. Lots of people get sober in other ways. But getting sober has certain things in common, regardless how you do it. And not picking up the first drink or spliff just because something has "caused" us to get wound up is universal. Or rather - realising that what I have in common with every other drunk is that something always "causes" me to pick up and it's "never" my responsibility.
How you square that circle is down to you.
Best wishes - sincerely