Strong one day---Fragile the next
It's the weekend again, and I am climbing the wall. It has now been seventeen days since I have seen my ABF. How could I not worry? He has broken his pattern. He used to call or come home after three or four days. What now? I am beginning to wonder if he is dead. He had starting stealing crack from his dealer. I know this is bad business. I can't just sit back patiently and wait for a call.
Thurs. nite, I went to the police station and tried to file a missing person's report, but they refused to file it. They just said that's what crackheads do, but this time is different. He had no extra clothes with him, and he has never left this long without calling and coming home. I called the police in the town where I believe him to be, and they told me that the police where he had residence had to file the report. I told them that these people had refused, and he told me to go back and ask them again. He said they couldn't lawfully turn me down.
I went back today and asked again. This time I told the officer what I wanted to do. I told him if he was going to refuse to file the report, I wanted him to put his refusal in writing, and I would take it to a lawyer Mon. morning. This time an officer went ahead and filed the report. He said it would have to be typed up, and it will not go into the computer till Monday. I gave him all the details and told him why I was so worried this time. If they had filed the report Fri. when I asked, the info would have already been in the computer. I feel in my heart that something bad has happened. Because he's a crackhead, nobody gives a crap but me.
Everything my boyfriend owns is here. He has nothing but the clothes on his back, and it's been 17 days. I am worried. I am depressed and dysfunctional.
I got out a while ago and went to the movie store and checked out a movie. I know I won't watch it because I feel so horrible. I know you all say I should take care of me, but right now, I am hurting too much. I can't do it. I am just here. I am still on the roller coaster: strong one day and fragile the next.