Self Esteem & Addiction
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Self-esteem is a way of thinking, feeling & acting that implies you accept, respect, trust & believe in yourself. When you accept yourself, you can live comfortably with both your personal strengths & weaknesses without undue self-criticism. When you respect yourself, you acknowledge your own dignity & value as a unique human being. You treat yourself well in much the same way you would treat someone else you respect. Self-trust means that your behaviors & feelings are consistent enough to give you an inner sense of continuity & coherence despite changes & challenges in your external circumstances. To believe in yourself means that you feel you deserve to the good things in life. It also means that you have confident that you can fulfill your deepest personal needs, aspirations & goals.
To get a sense about your own level of self-esteem, think of someone (or imagine what it would be like to know someone) whom you fully accept, respect, trust & believe in. Now ask yourself to what extent you hold those attitudes toward yourself. Where would you put yourself on the following scale:
0 - 10 (1 being very low self-esteem & 10 being very high self esteem)
A fundamental truth about self-esteem is that it needs to come from within. When self-esteem is low, the deficiency creates a feeling of emptiness which you may try to fill by latching on – often compulsively – to something external that provides a temporary sense of satisfaction & fulfillment. When the quest to fill your inner emptiness by appropriating something from outside becomes desperate, repetitive, or automatic, you have what is called an addiction. Broadly defined, addiction is an attachment to something or someone outside yourself that you feel you need to provide a sense of inner satisfaction or relief. Frequently this attachment substitutes preoccupation with a substance or activity for healthy, human relationships. It may also substitute a temporary feeling of control or power for a more lasting sense of inner confidence & strength.
A healthy alternative to addiction is to work on building your self-esteem. Growing in self-esteem means developing confidence & strength from within. While still enjoying life fully, you no longer need to appropriate or identify with something or someone outside yourself to feel o.k. The basis for your self-worth is internal. As such, it is much more lasting & stable.