Wheretobegin, First of all, let me say that I am sorry that you are feeling so sad and overwhelmed. My daughter is 20 and my addict. Currently living with her 37 year old crack addicted boyfriend in a seedy motel. She is currently using heroin. I have felt the same way about her. That she is trying to destroy herself. She has issues with food too and has managed to gain about 30 pounds (was normal weight). All she does is sit in the motel room, do drugs and eat. Her only outings are the trips she makes with the abf to get drugs downstate in a really dangerous part of the city. I have learned to let go, let God. It was not easy. It took a lot of time and practice and really wanting to have joy in my life again. Another thing that helps me is to have as little contact as possible with her. Each time I see her, she looks worse and that just puts me in that sad place again. Even though your son is your baby, he is an adult. It is his life. His addiction is his responsiblity.
When my daughter had clean time last spring, I thought maybe the addiction was behind her. I was still in denial and believed her when she said she did not have a problem with drugs and she was not an addict. I relaxed some and stopped reading on here and posting. When she relapsed in June, it really hit me hard. I was devastated and really wanted to die. Instead I came back here and posted and read and really listened to others. I also started to see a therapist for my codependency issues and that helped too. I would attend meetings but the closest one is 90 miles away and on a Sunday night. So instead I read everything I can about addiction. I practice acceptance and I pray everyday for God to hold my daughter in his loving arms. It does help. Hugs, Marle