I am sorry you are having a hard time. I miss my AH too and get lonely sometimes. However, I would rather have to feel lonely then to have constant chaos. I know you love him and I have so much sympathy for what you are going through. But sadly, until he realizes he has a problem and needs help to solve it you may not get the answers you are hoping for.
I would just try to take care of YOU right now and try to do something to take your mind off of him when you are most likely to worry or think about him.. read a book at night before you go to bed, play board games with your children, I actually sleep with two big pillows next to me becuase for some reason there is comfort in that for me. Everyone has hard days in recovery, including us. You will get through this and I hope you feel better soon.
Prayers,
Tiffany