Originally Posted by
faith123 
I am having trouble sleeping tonight. You would think by now, I would have gotten better. I don't really look for him or a phone call, but I can't help but wonder when or if I'll ever hear from him again. Do they ever just disappear, and you never hear from them again? He has never done this before, but he has never been back to the daily using till this last month or so. He went through that for several weeks. Will he hit "rock bottom", or will he keep doing this daily thing till he dies?
Faith, my son disappeared almost 3 years ago and I have not heard a word since. That troubled me for a long time, I searched for him once (by telephone) and by coincidence he was expected there that weekend. They had sent him a bus ticket but he never showed up. I know he cashed the ticket in and continued on his journey of active addiction.
I never looked again, because I realized that as long as he was active in his addiction, finding him would only put me back in a front row seat and that's one place I am not prepared to sit anymore. When he gets clean, he knows where to find me, he knows that we love him and he knows where to get help when he is ready.
I get through my days saying a prayer every morning, giving his care up to God. Doing that allows me to continue through my day, finding the beauty and joy in each one. It has allowed me to move forward in my life, to heal and to grow. It has allowed me to live life as God intended, happily and productively and in faith that some things are simply not mine to control.
I hope you find your peace, I hope that one at a time you can come to accept that life brings us all choices and that some people make bad ones until they grow weary and reach out for help.
Hugs