I'm a mom, a sister and a daughter of addicts and alcoholics.
My relationship with sis was soooo strained for soooo long. She was the youngest, and the most favored by dad and the prettiest and the more popular (I thought). Daddy always bailed her out (though I remember about ten years ago her saying he did her no favors by that... perhaps that was the beginning of her changes).
Mom getting sober helped very much, but mom was very weak in the beginning of her recovery and wanted so bad to make amends and (I believe) thought Sis' drinking might be "her" fault. Over time, mom got better at not enabling, even though Sis got worse and worse.
When my own kids developed addiction, I favored first one then the other, depending on whose addiction was blooming at the time. Not so different from mom. Which helped me get some peace around the resentments I still carried from youth. I still had some resentments perking in there - and they would pop from time to time.
Then our brother, the one between us in age, died unexpectedly in 2000. Sis sent me a letter that just said, "I love you. I never got to tell Sam and I don't want to lose you without saying it. So I am." All I could think at the time was how hard that was for her to do... so hard, *I* (the sober older, somehow "better" one) had not found the strength to do so. That was another time I saw the "real" Sis start to peek through.
Then, in 2004, Sis got sober.... wow. What a difference... at about the same time, I got into Alanon and learned about expectations and resentments and MY part in the dance of addiction.
Today... mom and sis live together - and are as happy as clams. Both get along SO much better than either one would by living with me... and we are all open about that. There is love, laughter a little reminiscing... some of it pointed, but never mean anymore.
I am blessed to have two of the best women in the world in my life today. I love them more than I can express. Our recovery - each in our own way - has allowed that. I treasure every day I have with each of them.